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Top 5 Ways to Help Moms with a CHD Baby

There’s a dramatic pause right before the doctor breaks the news that your child’s heart is defective. Maybe he’s double checking or maybe he’s reluctant to crash your world.
Congenital heart defects are too common.  What if that mom is someone you know?  your sister?  your cousin?  your neighbor? your best friend? Instead of the silent awkward wish, reach out with these practical tips:

  1. Drop off a physical reminder of your support–Flowers, brownies, a thoughtful card. It lasts longer than kind words and doesn’t invade her personal grieving space.
  2. Offer to babysit.  Again and again. Stop by when you take your kids to the park to ask if you can borrow her kids for a few hours.  Also, tell her you’re available to watch her kids so she can spend more time at the hospital. This helps with the guilt of spending time with one child over another.
  3. Bring her family dinner. Ready-made food is a must!  Shock, stress, and lack of appetite leads to missed meals. That leads to depression, unhealthy weight-loss, and a weakened immune system. Don’t make her track you down to return the dishes.  Use disposable containers OR transfer the food to her dishes on the spot OR tell her you’ll pick up the dishes on Friday.
  4. “We’ll pray for you.” Simple. Comforting. Touching. Regardless of religious affiliation, she’ll hear you pledging, “I believe in God.  I empathize with your pain.  I will ask God to bless you and your family.” (If you’re not religious, sending good thoughts/vibes/karma your way is an appropriate alternative.)
  5. Send her a link to this website. Her friends and family will want to know details and updates.  That support is vital, but rehashing the experience is depressing and painful. Heart Baby Home provides heart images and text descriptions  of congenital heart defects that she can cut and paste onto her blog/carepages/facebook so she can tweak the info instead of writing it all from scratch–a daunting task. If we don’t have her child’s specific heart defect, email/comment and we’ll make it!

It’s a challenging journey with jarring bumps and beautiful silver linings.  I’m grateful to those who helped me when I needed it, and now I need to give something back.  Together we are stronger.

What else can we do to help?  Leave me some comment love and tell me what I left off the list ;)

 

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18182671857996200064 Funsucker Extraordinaire

    Stopping in from #31DBBB.

    Thank you for such a great resource! When my son was born over 11 years ago with Tetralogy of Fallot, people definitely didn't know how to help or what to say.

    Speaking of which, I would LOVE it if you could post an image of TOF as well as Pulmonary Valve Replacement. My son was diagnosed with TOF in utero in 1998 and many of my friends and family still don't get it. And the valve replacement was just a year ago July 21st so I'm still trying to explain that to them too.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17141410961646523624 Ofthesea

    I never know what to say or do! I will bookmark this list for future reference, while hoping I'll never use it. :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00128519182850037060 adriel, from the mommyhood memos

    Oh, what a tough subject you tackle! Thank you for these practical and very tangible ways to reach out to someone who finds themselves in this heart-breaking situation.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14548114858165238700 Jinnia Low

    I love how your list is specific and action-oriented. It leaves someone no guesswork as to how to help a loved one going through CHD. Thank you for giving back in this way, it'll help so many who go through this! I stopped by your blog from 31DBBB. I'm following you now!

  • http://krisgoescrazy.wordpress.com/ krisgoescrazy

    This is a wonderful list for anyone with a loved one going through any kind of crisis.

    I love how they are all pro-active and none of them involve, "if theres anything you need let me know". I heard this a lot when my Dad passed away suddenly, and then everyone disappeared. I would have loved for someone to just DO something, instead of waiting for me. I could barely function let alone reach out.

    I know opinions differ on this but I would refrain from saying "Be strong" or "Be strong for _____" unless you're close to the person and know this is something that will actually help. I heard this too often from absolutely everyone, and it made me feel worse and like I wasn't handling it properly. Sometimes you have to fall apart temporarily. Let them. The release can feel good, especially if they're doing a million things and having to 'keep it together' for everyone else.

    As I'm an atheist I usually say, "you're in my thoughts" or a simple note/message saying, "I'm thinking of you". Just knowing you're still there even though they don't have the time/energy/strength to contact you is huge.

    Only other thing would be donating to the cause associated with what your loved one is going through. Thats usually appreciated very much too.

    Thank you again for the awesome list!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06642615452680721583 Charmaine Clancy

    What a beautiful list! This is put so well that I will definitely remember it if I have a friend in need :-) (ps, thanks for visiting my blog)